i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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