we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
