It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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