She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
