its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
there is glitter all over my balls
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
