dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
