I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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