I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So many bounce houses so little time
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
