I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
