With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
