That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
