I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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