Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
