I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
