The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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