Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
