Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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