what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
