I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
