yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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