i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
