we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
