Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
