After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
