my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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