Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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