he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
