My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
