Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
