:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
