At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
