I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
