I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so let's talk penis.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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