I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
smell my finger.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
