Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
