I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Semen is not good for contacts.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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