so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i think i just lost a toe
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
