I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I will die if light touches me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
