I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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