It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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