I wannas sexs uuuuu
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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