ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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