All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
