Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my shit smells like andre
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
