I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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