It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
