Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
