yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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