i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
