hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
