Screwed.edu
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
