That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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