My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
