i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
