I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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