when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
