she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
